what we've got here is a failure to communicate

 Communication is one of the most basic functions for all living things yet somehow us humans fail at it more often than not. Why can it be so hard to tell people how you feel and what you want? Take my friend as a prime example. We ran into a friend of mine at the bar (surprise surprise) last week and he seemed pretty interested in taking my girlfriend out. Now, I must mention that they met last Summer and he was laying down the flirt pretty hard. It was overt. He casually gave her his business card but we both agreed that she should leave her number on her check. She left a cute little note with her number but he never used it. I saw him a month or so later and asked him what happened. He told me that he had every intention of using it but that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn't ready to start dating again but he was still interested. I respected him not rushing into something. Fast forward to last Sunday. He texts and asks what she is doing later. (Don't even get me started on how our future generations will have enlarged thumbs.) They decided to meet up for drinks and then go have a bite to eat. Things seemed to be going well until the bill came. He looked at it with dismay and commented that the wine was more expensive then he thought. She then offered to pay and he accepted. Really? Really? Bad move 1. Last night they were supposed to go see a movie at a movie theater that is about 20 minutes away. Via text he lets her know that he is off of work and asked if she wants to meet him there or have him pick her up. Bad move 2. Maybe he was thinking it was supposed to be a casual situation or maybe he was trying to give her an option. Either way she was not happy about going with him at that point so she canceled. Later that night she text him to tell him the truth about why she canceled. He replied by saying that he did offer to pick her up. Needless to say, they won't be going out again. Just think about how this could have turned out differently. First I would say that having a relationship based on texting will make for communication to be even harder. There is no sense of tone in texts. There is no urgency either. You can take as long as you want to reply. I miss the days when you would spend hours on the phone with someone. Now you text all day long but rarely get a connection. I'd like to think that if she called and told him that she was a little offended that he didn't just ask her what time to be at her place he probably would have apologized and explained why he gave the option. Or maybe not. It could have turned into a fight and a fight after one date is a clear indication of the future. I think they just had different expectations. She wanted things to be formal and he was wanting casual.  I think expectations can have a detrimental effect on any relationship, especially if they aren't talked about. Most people (I hope) respect honesty but it can be such a delicate balance. In a perfect world I would think that if you are interested in someone you could be 100% honest. If you want sex, tell them. If you want a date, tell them. If you want a relationship, tell them. And they could respond with 100% honesty. Unfortunately people like the games, the chase and mystery and there can be so many ulterior motives to weed through. I suppose that there is no real solution. You just have to do what works for you but it's rough out there kids and I suspect that it's only going to get worse as our technology advances.