so are we going to label this?

What constitutes a serious relationship? Is it when you start sleeping together regularly? When you start spending copious amounts of time with one another? When you utter those three little words? Or is it only when you have the dreaded talk? I must thank Allen for the title of this post because he came up with this cute yet direct way of asking. I would like to think that once sex gets involved in anything, there should be a talk, maybe not the talk but something that makes sense for both parties. You can't be too careful these days. If you're a woman, you naturally want to know where things are going. And although some men like being in relationships, most are slightly afraid of the label which translates to commitment. I must say that I am in the same boat. I have some fear about relationships these days. Yes, I'm going to blame my failed marriage and I promise to only use this as an excuse for a short period of time but it does make you a little gun shy. And then you become worried that you are going to repeat your mistakes and unravel many many months of sessions with your analyst... Sigh. Taking your time is good. Yes, the hot and heavy can be very fun but it doesn't last. Or at least it usually doesn't. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I want an actual partner or a partner in crime. Oh and there is a woodpecker that lives outside my house. I have been hearing the pecking the past few morning. Go figure. Anyone who knows me, will understand why this is relevant.

pretty things for some weekend inspiration

31

My birthday is Sunday and I'm rather looking forward to closing the chapter on 30. This year has started out pretty well and I will make sure that this trend continues. Tonight I'm hanging out with a buddy from high school and tomorrow a girlfriend and I are having a date night and going to see Chicago (the musical not the band) at the Civic Center. On Sunday I will be gathering the nearest and dearest for a birthday brunch and a little Sunday Funday to follow. I took Monday off so I have a three day weekend which will be quite lovely. Cheers!

the truth can be a bitter pill

“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like: ‘be realistic.’”  Dylan Moran

This is so true. I don't like the word harmless, though. I think people use tiny little phrases to jab you ever so slightly. After too many, you end up with a lot of resentment and a gaping hole. It's funny how we say that talk is cheap and if you want to know about a person, observe their actions. But I find that people can be just as affected by words. Words start wars, perhaps actions determine who wins. 

I can be quite the smart ass and although I generally only jest, I also believe that there is a grain of truth in every joke. I am definitely one of those people that hide behind humor. Better to be laughing than crying is my motto and I find that people are more willing to laugh with you than share a good cry session. I want to be the first one to laugh at myself and admit to whatever crazy/stupid thing that I have done. That's how I deal with being a human being. People can be so toxic, though. Insecurity, jealousy, even plain cruelty make people shit bags full of underhanded comments and jabs to make you feel bad. I think we should all be more aware with what we say to the people we encounter, and especially the ones that we love. Golden Rule, kids. 

poetry post

Have I mentioned my love for Charles Bukowski? He is very engaging through his poetry. He doesn't use fluff or worry about rhyming and his words stream down the page in an almost chaotic fashion. Here is one of my favorites:


Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

Not the most uplifting but his generally aren't. Who hasn't felt this way? A lot of his work focuses on the women that have come and gone from his life and his quest for "the one" or even asking if that exists. I can relate. Nothing else fills. 

poetry post

I've been getting back into reading poetry lately and I'd like to start sharing some old favorites and some new ones as well. Poetry is such an intimate form of expression and it's so subjective. I love how so much can be said with so little. This week I have been thinking about how much we truly need each other. Yes, I absolutely think you can be happy by yourself but there is nothing more authentic and satisfying than connecting with another human being.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; 
It tolls for thee. 


John Donne

weekend review

 Monday always comes too early for me but I must say that I had a really good weekend. Airport Guy and I met up Friday and had a lot of fun. We went to a small wine bar that serves tapas and hit up a few other places he hadn't been to. My nerves got the best of me and I ended up drinking a little more then I should have (not me!) but I knew everything was good when he asked me to dinner on Saturday night. I ended up having to go into the office Saturday afternoon to knock out some leases but I didn't mind. I wasn't able to go Saturday night to dinner because of prior engagements but we went last night and again, had a lot of fun. I also got to catch up with my bestie over sake and that's always a great time. Yesterday morning I went to the gym with my trainer and enjoyed getting the shit beat out of me. Not really, but that's how I feel today. Sore. Everywhere. A few notable quotes from the weekend:

"That's how security guards are supposed to be. I could rape you. I probably won't. But I could."

When talking to Danielle about the creepy security guard that works at my office building. He offered me cookies. No sir, I do not care for any roofie cookies.


"You've been downgraded to stalker status."

What I told Airport Guy at dinner. I decided to meet him Friday because you never know who could be a serial killer and I don't need anymore crazy in my neighborhood. He was happy to hear he had been downgraded but also asked if I do this with all of the people I date. The answer is yes.

Christmas 2013

 I just returned from my parents home in New Mexico and it's always a little bittersweet for me. I get anxious going out there because I see them so rarely but once we hug, everything is as if I had been there all along. We went skiing two days in Taos and actually took a lesson. It was my first lesson in probably 20 years and it really helped. Our instructor was quite the character. His name was Rick and he liked to yell the last word of his sentences at you. You. Follow ME! He loved the mountain and had been living in Taos for the majority of his life. His father has a run named after him. My parents are going to buy a condo there so I suspect our Christmases will be spent on the mountain from here on out.
I was delayed on my flight home and didn't end up making it in until 2:30 am but I met a gentlemen that was on my same flight at the bar as we were anxiously awaiting the planes arrival. We ended up having a really great time and we plan on getting together this week.
My New Years Eve was super chill. I had a girlfriend over and we sipped some champagne cocktails to ring in the new year. 2014 already feels better. I don't know why we put so much emphasis on the new year. It's really just another day. 2013 was a transition year from me and I made it through! No resolutions here, just a commitment to growing and learning.