love actually

There have been multiple debates lately over the movie "Love Actually" because it's the movies ten year anniversary. Some people can't get enough and consider it a Holiday classic and others think it's a terrible take on love that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. I fall somewhere in the middle. I enjoy it the same way I do any romantic comedy. It's heartwarming and hopeful but also unrealistic and contrived. So on that note I wanted to wax poetic for a moment and lament on what love actually is to me lately.

Love is staying in my pj's for the better part of the day, snuggling with my animal and watching cheesy movies.
Love is going to get Thai food on a chilly night and then ending up at my favorite dive. Running into new and old friends and talking movies over frosty mugs of beer.
Love is having an early Christmas lunch with my mom, exchanging gifts and spending the day together.
Love is knowing that your best friend is moving away and that no amount of space or time will ever break the connection you share.
Love is watching a coworker hand a panhandler on the side of the road a ten dollar bill because she hopes he'll use it to get a warm meal on a frigid day.


Go out and love, people.

a year in review

As you have seen on this blog, I have had a year of many ups and many downs. 30 was definitely not what I expected it to be but I have persevered. This year has proven my strength and I think that must be the best part of all that has happened. I also learned a lot about myself and why I have made the mistakes that I have made. I am at peace. For the most part anyway. Nothing is ever 100% but I feel generally better then I did last year at this time. I have never been a huge fan of change and I have generally shied away from anything that takes me out of my comfort zone but I am slowly taking risks and becoming braver. Things haven't always worked out in my favor but they have made me a more confident individual. I feel like I am becoming who I am supposed to me, a more authentic version of myself. In the upcoming year I am looking forward to more travel. I have a few trips planned (Africa, Paris) and I want to expand my horizon. I want to see the world and spend my money on experiences. I must say that it's been tough thinking about my future without having someone special in my life but I am totally good with being single and having close friends and family around. I will also plan on going to see concerts, plays, ballets and such. I will be seeing Chicago the night before my birthday which should be awesome. I'm also seeing a personal trainer that is going to help me get into better shape. No time like the present. Life is good, kids. Cheers to the future and the inevitable ups and downs that help us grow as individuals.

Oh Christmas tree

I've got to be honest and say that I don't particularly care for the holidays. When I was younger it was all about whose year it was to have us and the animosity between my parents. My life was broken up between two worlds and I don't think I ever got used to it. Hence, my dislike. Even though I feel this way, I try to force myself to get into the holiday spirit. I enjoy decorating and having friends over. I even got a real tree this year. They delivered it right to my door which is awesome. It's the prettiest tree I have ever seen. Here is my home:

happy thanksgiving to me

 We got back from Cabo on Sunday and as always it felt a little too soon. I was ready to come back to a certain extent but I'm never ready to come back to work. Cabo the second time around let me experience the city and downtown a little more. Staying on the Marina put you so close to the action but further away from the beach. While there I found a love for tequila. Especially reposado. We were regulars at Cabo Wabo by the time we left. We also ate at a restaurant on the beach called "The Office" and it was incredible. Flour tortillas made right in front of you and seafood so fresh if you put it to your ear, I bet you could hear the Ocean. It was quite exciting getting to see my best friend in action flying the jet. It was flawless. He is amazing. And I must say that it was nice getting to play pretend and act like one of the elites that could actually afford to take a private jet.  Here are some pics:

mexico part 2

 Tomorrow I will be jetting (literally) off to Cabo San Lucas with my best friend Allen and his husband. They had an extra seat on the jet that they fly and I was offered it. Of course I said yes!! Allen flew us to Austin a year and a half ago but it was on a prop plane. This will be my first experience actually flying in a private jet. I am quite excited and very honored that they wanted me to tag along. Right now in Cabo it is 77° and this time tomorrow I will be on a beach with a cocktail in hand. This is also the first year in a very long time that I won't be doing the traditional family get together. It's feels a little weird but I also like the idea of doing something out of the norm. I'd like to think when/if I have a family, that we can make our own traditions that include traveling. I hope everyone has a safe and fun Holiday. See you in December. I can't believe this year is almost over.

three years later

I just realized that I have been blogging for three years. It's interesting to see the progression of thoughts, feelings, ideas and styles. Perhaps that's why I like this form of expression. It doesn't matter who actually reads it but it's more about being able to see the ups and downs this way. It's basically an online journal but with unlimited creativity. Unlike the ol pen and paper, you will never lose a blog. It won't ever crash. It doesn't need to be backed up. It will be here until... well.... (insert any dooms day, world ending, Armageddon scenario here) As much as I bitch about the affects on our culture with all of this technology at our fingertips, I must admit that it's pretty fucking cool. So cheers to blogging and technology and keeping a healthy balance between actually living your life and tweeting/posting/checking in/surfing/goggling/downloading.

karma part 2

I was talking to a coworker about my thoughts on karma a few days ago and he brought up an excellent point. Does taking pleasure in ones karmic returns equal bad karma for you? He used the word schadenfreude, which is German and means pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. He takes martial arts classes and has talked to his teacher on occasion about such things. His teacher said that people do too much thinking, that it's really quite simple; "play nice, do good." I would like to say that I could train myself to be that simplistic but I know how messy/complicated life can be. Sometimes I think about moving to the mountains or living with monks and learning to quiet the mind. I think it would be amazing to have an experience like that. It would completely change your perspective on everything. No more worrying about money or time or possessions or anything frivolous. I know my liver would thank me...

karma

I've been thinking an awful lot about karma these days. As most know, I am not a religious person. In fact, I am quite the opposite. I don't need to believe in an omnipotent, omnipresent being/god/spirit to be a good person. I denounced organized religion at 16 and have never looked back. Now listen, I'm not a dick about it. You can believe in whatever you want. I know that some people need to believe in something that is in constant control. I know that it can feel awfully lonely in this big and scary world so I don't judge. But the idea of karma is something that I can at the very least explore. What goes around comes around. It's a nice thought that if someone does bad to you, they will eventually have bad happen to them. I suppose it's a lot like the yin and yang. The natural flow of life. The ebb and flow of the tides. You can't have the sweet without the sour. All I know for sure is that we are all in this together and trying your best to be a good person is key. And it's tough sometimes. When people suck, it's easy to get into the "everybody sucks" mentality. But they don't. There are good ones out there. I can only avoid the ones that don't have my best interests at heart and keep the ones close that do. I try to keep my life as peaceful as possible and with little drama. It's not always easy because some thrive on getting you involved in the bullshit but all you can do is walk away and stay on the path that's best for you.
Does karma require it to be at the hands of something/someone else? Who/what could be causing the flow of good and bad? The Universe? Mother Nature? Some kind of magnetic force? Or is it purely from us? Our own energy that is expelled from our actions? Just something to think about.


“Sooner or later we have all to pay for what we do.”
— Oscar Wilde

thursday pep talk

Well kids, it's been a busy week and will continue to be so until Sunday. I came across this today and thought I'd share. Life is good.

http://livinginthelights.com/2013/09/25/great-abs-amazing-sex-riiiight/

NanoWrimo

 I will be participating in NanoWrimo in a few days. It's National Novel Writing Month. On November 1, I will work toward the goal of a 50,000 word novel to be completed in one month. It's terrifying but I already know what I'm writing about so that has made it a little easier. Wish me luck! Find out more here:
http://nanowrimo.org

is it friday yet?

 Oh how I love pinterest

do your part

I got an email from "NOW" the National Organization for Women that is calling for the removal of a Montana Judge. Here is what it said:

September 25, 2013

"The National Organization for Women is proud of the work Montana NOW has undertaken to remove Judge G. Todd Baugh from the bench by filing an official complaint with the Montana Judicial Standards Commission. Baugh has come under intense scrutiny after sentencing a middle-aged teacher to only 30 days in jail for the rape of his 14 year old student, Cherice Moralez; Moralez later committed suicide.

Montana NOW, along with allied organizations UltraViolet and MoveOn.org, have collected 140,000 signatures on a petition demanding Judge Baugh be removed. A separate letter written by Montana NOW President Marian Bradley – and co-signed by survivors of sexual assault -- has received 346 signatures. 

Members of the National Organization for Women from all over the country stand in solidarity with the women and men fighting for justice for Cherice Moralez and all victims of sexual violence."

I not only find this whole situation disturbing but I am shocked that this is the first time I am hearing about it. Not that I regularly watch the news but I do look for updates on my igoogle during the day and have also been trying to listen to NPR regularly. I'm not sure if the links will show up in this post but I will also add them below. Please sign them. It literally takes a moment. 

Here is an article about it. 

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/03/painful-lesson-cherice-moralez-rape

Link to the formal complaint:

https://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.weareultraviolet.org/images/Montana_complaint.pdf

Link to the Petition: 

http://act.weareultraviolet.org/cms/sign/montana_judge_sp/

Link to the Letter:

http://act.weareultraviolet.org/sign/montana_judge_survivor_letter/

supremely happy

I read a really inspiring article today about happy people that I must share. I have always been a bit on the pessimistic side of life, although I prefer to call it being a realist. Lately, I have been actively trying to change this. One of the best things my analyst has suggested, is to make a list of three things every evening that you are grateful for, or that made you happy that day. The key is that you can't use the same thing and some days it's really hard to come up with anything. But it makes you look outside of the norm and see the good. I already have one of mine ready... The rain. I am happy that it's raining. Check out the article below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/happiness-habits-of-exuberant-human-beings_n_3909772.html

the gray days ahead

I love the fall and it has pretty much arrived. I love pumpkin beer, lattes and brisk walks requiring cozy sweaters. This time of year is when I also get back into running. I'm not a very early riser so running after work is only an option when the cooler air arrives. I'm also going to try and get into bourbon. Over the Summer I infused vodka with blueberries and strawberries which was so delicious. I'm thinking cinnamon (shut it Allen) or vanilla infused bourbon for hot toddies. I also love piling on the blankets and staying in bed all day with my sweet animal. Mulling wine. Baking bread. Fireplaces and fire pits.Can't wait.

deep thoughts...

"Most of the trouble in this world has been caused by folks who can't mind their own business, because they have no business of their own to mind, any more than a smallpox virus has." William Burroughs

"In the middle of life it happens that death comes and measures man. The visit is forgotten but life continues. But the suit is made, quietly." Tomas Transtromer

Can you tell I've been in a dark place?

"And it came to me then, that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time." DCFC

I can be a bit of an obsessive planner/thinker. No, I'm not the person that makes an itinerary for a trip but if it makes me uncomfortable or I am unsure about a situation (and that's almost always), I try and plan it out in my head. I have been known to toss and turn into the wee hours of the morning, trying to see all angles of a situation. As you can imagine, this has a very low success rate. I find the more I try to anticipate the unexpected, the worse the outcome tends to be. So I have been obsessing over timing lately. We have all heard that timing is everything. But I hate to think that there is so much out of my control. I would like to think that you make the right timing. Ideally, if an opportunity came about, like say, a great new job in a new city, wouldn't you force yourself to do it? Even if the timing might be wrong? Perhaps your mom is ill and you don't want to leave her (hopefully this would never happen) but wouldn't you at least try and explain to the company the situation and get something figured out? Or maybe move your mom with you? Of course this is situation based but come on, if you want something bad enough, wouldn't you do your damnedest to make it work? But that's just it, you have to really want it and until you pull out all of the stops, you really don't.
But timing can be such an important thing. I have witnessed this in my life recently. It's very humbling and disheartening to think that a day or a month can have such an impact on your growth as a human being. I feel like I have aged ten years in a few short months. The realizations about the people I have always put first are just alarming. I used to think that loyalty to the people that you care about was the most important thing. That sounds noble but when those people aren't doing the same, it ends horribly. Friends can be a wonderful addition to your life but you have to be very careful about how you categorize them and treat them accordingly. I considered people that I partied with to be my friends, and the truth is, they were just people that I partied with. They should never have been number one on my list of priorities but too many times I placed them there. It's only when the booze stops flowing and real life happens that you find out they were never your friend. And here we get back to timing. If I would have figured this out months ago, I maybe wouldn't have made some poor decisions. But sadly that's just how it goes, no matter how much planning or thinking you do, some things truly are out of your control.

Cabo

My friend Danielle and I went on a much needed vacation to Cabo San Lucas last week. I wish I could say that I had an amazing time and it was all sun and sand but I was plagued with thoughts of my honeymoon. My ex and I went to Puerto Vallarta almost three years ago and I couldn't escape the familiar sights and sounds. Perhaps I am being too dramatic... I really did have a good time and the ocean was spectacularly beautiful I just wish I could have been in a better state of mind. Here are some pics.
A storm was moving in and the rain was just starting.

 We ventured out to a club called "Red" and met some interesting people. Poor Danielle was getting groped.

s'il vous plaît me prendre pour Paris

 I am daydreaming about Paris today... I could use a vaca and although I will be in Boston in about a month, I am craving someplace even father away. I need to see the world, but on a budget. There are a bunch of great websites that let you rent flats instead of staying in a hotel so you can keep the cost down. Soon. Very Soon.

a relationship in 100 words

I stole this idea from a blog on Glamour Magazine. I love the idea of trying to express a relationship in so few words. Enjoy.

The drive down was silent. I let him play his shitty rap music without the normal fight. We were going to spend the weekend in Dallas for our second anniversary. We stayed at the W Hotel downtown which supposedly wasn't what it used to be. The thermometer in our room was broken and would turn up to 90 degrees at will. I tried to be pretty enough. I'm not sure if he tried anything. He was angry with my need to smoke and I was angry with his need to drink. We never even kissed. It rained the entire time.

midweek laughs

 Ah, Happy Hump Day! I'm glad it's almost the weekend but I also have a busy next few days. I start helping manage a restaurant that my friends own and that I used to work at while she is on the campaign trail. She is running for office next year and has many functions to attend so I will be filling in as needed which means 12-14 hour days. Yuck. Luckily, it isn't every day and I could def use the extra cash. Here are some funny pics I came across. Enjoy the rest of the week! Go Thunder!