the propinquity effect (proximity)

The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships and romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often, forming a bond between subject and friend. -Wikipedia

Well duh, right? Obviously those that you spend most of your time around are bound to lead to some form of a relationship. The other night I was hanging out with a friend that I have known since high school and we were sitting on my porch. In between the two chairs on my patio is a little table for drinks. At one point he pushes the table forward and slides his chair to be next to me. Closer. He wanted less space between us. Hence the proximity effect. Or at least my version of it. Needing a closer proximity to someone than is provided. There have been times, with certain people in my life that even being as close as you can possibly be wasn't close enough. I wanted to do the Matrix trick and jump inside them. Yeah, it sounds a little creepy but if you have an opportunity to feel it, I highly recommend it. It's a little scary but totally worth it.

delicious ambiguity

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.” Gilda Radner

This is the best thing that I have read in a long time. In fact, I think my next tattoo will be "delicious ambiguity." We don't know what's going to happen next but we still have to keep on truckin. It's hard to do when we see so much pain around us but we have no choice but to keep going. This has been a rough week, but chin up, kids. 

be mine

I know Valentine's Day was already a week and a half ago but I must brag about what Mr. G surprised me with. I specifically told him not to do anything special and I really wasn't doing the girl thing. The thing where you say you want nothing but get upset when they show up empty handed. The previous Valentine's Days from relationships past have always been such a letdown that I no longer have expectations. Therefore, it's literally just another day. Even though I told him I wasn't expecting anything, I still picked him up a couple of cigars. He mentioned that he had a few but that they had dried out. My friend works at a lounge that gets some pretty rare ones so I picked two up. When I arrived at work that morning, the receptionist was on the phone. I noticed a small bouquet of roses. She looked at me, then pointed at the flowers and shook her head, yes. I stared back in disbelief and shook my head, no. She smiled and pointed at them again and continued to shake her head. I snapped out of it, grabbed the roses and quickly walked to my desk. I read the card and it was super simple yet very sweet. I immediately text him thank you. What a great way to start the day.

I had to help out at the restaurant that night so I went directly from one 8 hour day to another 5 hours at a chaotic restaurant on one of the busiest nights of the year. By the time I got finished I was ready to crash but Mr. G was leaving in the morning for DC so I wanted to see him at least for a little bit. I caught my third wind and arrived at his home. He welcomed me in and immediately poured me a glass of wine. We were standing in his kitchen when he disappeared and came back with a very large red gift bag. He said that he knew I told him not to do anything but that he wanted to. I smiled and said that I got him something as well. I barely had time to think that entire week so when it came time to wrap his gift, I went through my miscellaneous drawer hoping to find anything that would work. I literally had no time to even stop for a gift bag. I ended up finding some tissue paper and tying the cigars up in it. Pink and white tissue paper with a blue ribbon. It wasn't my best work but it definitely could have been worse. I recall a few years ago, my then boyfriend used paper bags from a grocery store to wrap up Christmas gifts. If the scale was from grocery store bags to Martha Stewart, I was somewhere in the middle. He opened his first and seemed appreciative that I did anything at all. I wanted to keep it simple and without any implications. I have always been so bad with surprises. I hate them. I prefer to always know what I'm walking into. Yes. I know that I am a control freak. So when I peered into the large bag, I began to sweat. I pulled out two bottles of wine, one red and one white. He said they looked really good and that we could open one later if I wanted. Then I pulled out two beers, a stout and a hefe. He said he wanted to try them with me. Next, there was a card but I wanted to open it last. At the bottom of the bag there were also white candy hearts (I told him they were my favorite and he picked them out), candy cigarettes (we had talked about them once and I told him how much I loved their weird chalky taste), some more of the Rooibos tea that I enjoyed at his house, and snicker doodle cookies that he made for me (one of my fav cookies). I just kept looking at him and smiling and saying thank you. I took a large gulp of wine then proceeded to tear open the card. The first line was epic, "I know that the way to your heart is through your liver." He knew me well. Perhaps too well.  The rest was sweet but not overdone. In the card there was also a gift card to TGI Fridays. I didn't understand. Had I drunkenly professed my love for the flair toting American chain restaurant? He saw the look on my face and almost looked insulted. "Jen. This is where we first met!" Shit. Well there you have it, kids. My sentimentality meter is at an all-time low. There also happened to be a coupon book which we both agreed was a little cheesy but I still love that he took the time to do it. I told him to not count on me actually using it, and he said that it wasn't necessary considering he'd basically do anything I asked. And that's how you do Valentine's Day. Like a boss. Put some thought into it people. I know that it's an over commercialized holiday that has dark origins but making someone you care about feel special is pretty rewarding. And yes, you should do it more then just one day a year. Like often. In little ways and in big. 

spring is in the air

Spring is just around the corner and this week the temps will actually be in the 60's and beyond. Here's a few things that I will be looking forward to:

Long walks in the park and a new tradition of yoga in the park with my girlfriends.

Snow Cones. Especially the purple cow, bubblegum and grape. 

Flowers blooming. Especially peonies.

Patios. Sunday Funday anyone?

Getting back into my running routine.

another 100 words

He could have opened the boxes that he stacked in his guest bedroom while I was having brunch with my family. He could have done it on his own and never mentioned it taking place but he's the guy that waits for you to come back over to open his birthday gifts because he wants you to be an active participant in his life. I felt honored to watch and he probably didn't even think twice about letting me be there for this intimate moment. We spent the rest of the day alternating roles between comfortable lovers and fidgety admirers.

so are we going to label this?

What constitutes a serious relationship? Is it when you start sleeping together regularly? When you start spending copious amounts of time with one another? When you utter those three little words? Or is it only when you have the dreaded talk? I must thank Allen for the title of this post because he came up with this cute yet direct way of asking. I would like to think that once sex gets involved in anything, there should be a talk, maybe not the talk but something that makes sense for both parties. You can't be too careful these days. If you're a woman, you naturally want to know where things are going. And although some men like being in relationships, most are slightly afraid of the label which translates to commitment. I must say that I am in the same boat. I have some fear about relationships these days. Yes, I'm going to blame my failed marriage and I promise to only use this as an excuse for a short period of time but it does make you a little gun shy. And then you become worried that you are going to repeat your mistakes and unravel many many months of sessions with your analyst... Sigh. Taking your time is good. Yes, the hot and heavy can be very fun but it doesn't last. Or at least it usually doesn't. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I want an actual partner or a partner in crime. Oh and there is a woodpecker that lives outside my house. I have been hearing the pecking the past few morning. Go figure. Anyone who knows me, will understand why this is relevant.

pretty things for some weekend inspiration

31

My birthday is Sunday and I'm rather looking forward to closing the chapter on 30. This year has started out pretty well and I will make sure that this trend continues. Tonight I'm hanging out with a buddy from high school and tomorrow a girlfriend and I are having a date night and going to see Chicago (the musical not the band) at the Civic Center. On Sunday I will be gathering the nearest and dearest for a birthday brunch and a little Sunday Funday to follow. I took Monday off so I have a three day weekend which will be quite lovely. Cheers!

the truth can be a bitter pill

“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like: ‘be realistic.’”  Dylan Moran

This is so true. I don't like the word harmless, though. I think people use tiny little phrases to jab you ever so slightly. After too many, you end up with a lot of resentment and a gaping hole. It's funny how we say that talk is cheap and if you want to know about a person, observe their actions. But I find that people can be just as affected by words. Words start wars, perhaps actions determine who wins. 

I can be quite the smart ass and although I generally only jest, I also believe that there is a grain of truth in every joke. I am definitely one of those people that hide behind humor. Better to be laughing than crying is my motto and I find that people are more willing to laugh with you than share a good cry session. I want to be the first one to laugh at myself and admit to whatever crazy/stupid thing that I have done. That's how I deal with being a human being. People can be so toxic, though. Insecurity, jealousy, even plain cruelty make people shit bags full of underhanded comments and jabs to make you feel bad. I think we should all be more aware with what we say to the people we encounter, and especially the ones that we love. Golden Rule, kids. 

poetry post

Have I mentioned my love for Charles Bukowski? He is very engaging through his poetry. He doesn't use fluff or worry about rhyming and his words stream down the page in an almost chaotic fashion. Here is one of my favorites:


Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

Not the most uplifting but his generally aren't. Who hasn't felt this way? A lot of his work focuses on the women that have come and gone from his life and his quest for "the one" or even asking if that exists. I can relate. Nothing else fills. 

poetry post

I've been getting back into reading poetry lately and I'd like to start sharing some old favorites and some new ones as well. Poetry is such an intimate form of expression and it's so subjective. I love how so much can be said with so little. This week I have been thinking about how much we truly need each other. Yes, I absolutely think you can be happy by yourself but there is nothing more authentic and satisfying than connecting with another human being.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; 
It tolls for thee. 


John Donne

weekend review

 Monday always comes too early for me but I must say that I had a really good weekend. Airport Guy and I met up Friday and had a lot of fun. We went to a small wine bar that serves tapas and hit up a few other places he hadn't been to. My nerves got the best of me and I ended up drinking a little more then I should have (not me!) but I knew everything was good when he asked me to dinner on Saturday night. I ended up having to go into the office Saturday afternoon to knock out some leases but I didn't mind. I wasn't able to go Saturday night to dinner because of prior engagements but we went last night and again, had a lot of fun. I also got to catch up with my bestie over sake and that's always a great time. Yesterday morning I went to the gym with my trainer and enjoyed getting the shit beat out of me. Not really, but that's how I feel today. Sore. Everywhere. A few notable quotes from the weekend:

"That's how security guards are supposed to be. I could rape you. I probably won't. But I could."

When talking to Danielle about the creepy security guard that works at my office building. He offered me cookies. No sir, I do not care for any roofie cookies.


"You've been downgraded to stalker status."

What I told Airport Guy at dinner. I decided to meet him Friday because you never know who could be a serial killer and I don't need anymore crazy in my neighborhood. He was happy to hear he had been downgraded but also asked if I do this with all of the people I date. The answer is yes.

Christmas 2013

 I just returned from my parents home in New Mexico and it's always a little bittersweet for me. I get anxious going out there because I see them so rarely but once we hug, everything is as if I had been there all along. We went skiing two days in Taos and actually took a lesson. It was my first lesson in probably 20 years and it really helped. Our instructor was quite the character. His name was Rick and he liked to yell the last word of his sentences at you. You. Follow ME! He loved the mountain and had been living in Taos for the majority of his life. His father has a run named after him. My parents are going to buy a condo there so I suspect our Christmases will be spent on the mountain from here on out.
I was delayed on my flight home and didn't end up making it in until 2:30 am but I met a gentlemen that was on my same flight at the bar as we were anxiously awaiting the planes arrival. We ended up having a really great time and we plan on getting together this week.
My New Years Eve was super chill. I had a girlfriend over and we sipped some champagne cocktails to ring in the new year. 2014 already feels better. I don't know why we put so much emphasis on the new year. It's really just another day. 2013 was a transition year from me and I made it through! No resolutions here, just a commitment to growing and learning.